Sure, we might all try to live our lives on the right side of the law, but sometimes things just happen. Right?
Over on Reddit, a user by the name of AR_ABOLFAZL recently asked people, “What’s the most illegal thing that you’ve ever done in your life and would you do it again?” The answers vary wildly, from “Haha, that’s funny and cute,” to “Oh, shit. People are really out here living life by their own rules!” If you’re in the FBI, stop reading now.
1. “I stole a Coke machine from a middle school, but it ended up being full of Dasani and not much money. Would not do it again. Water was cut off at the house, though, so we flushed like kings for a while.”
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2. “I once invoiced $20,000 on a $2,000 project because I knew the company’s accounting department wouldn’t catch it.”
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3. “I don’t look at it as stealing, more like I liberated my neighbor’s dog from the chain it lived on without said neighbor’s knowledge. 10/10 would do it again. The pup lived the next 10 years as the only child of millennial parents.”
4. “My friend and I put a new engine in a Ford Taurus when we were teenagers. I think it was a V8 or something. I saw a cop on I-5 with a speed gun, and I don’t know what came over me, but I floored it. I saw him immediately pull after me with his lights on, and a high-speed chase happened for a few miles. I turned off onto a country road and tried to get as far away as I could. Luckily, I knew the woods in that area and hid. After about 30 minutes, I didn’t hear anything, so I took another route home, and never heard anything about it. Testosterone plus being a teenager is a wild combo. I would never do something like this today.”
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5. “I illegally entered Canada and peed on a nature reserve.”
—u/tehKrakken55
6. “I once impersonated a police officer. And no, I wouldn’t do it again. It was a long time ago, and it would never fly now, but nothing bad happened. I helped a friend get some of his stuff back from an ex’s house. They asked where the police car was, and I just said it was around the corner. I thanked them for letting my friend get his stuff and walked around the corner to his car. He gave me a high five and that was that.”
7. “During the Blockbuster days of the ’90s. I would rent my favorite Super Nintendo games and use my sister’s blow dryer to peel the stickers off of them and put them on crap games I owned. So if you thought you were renting WWF Raw but got Actraiser or some shit, I’m sorry. I was poor, LOL.”
Alexandre Morin-laprise / Getty Images
—u/CascadeJ1980
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8. “Had sex in an empty movie theater. I’d probably do it again.”
9. “I poured bleach on a bully’s lawn, spelling out a bad word. But then I found out he’d moved from that house a year prior. That was 25 years ago. Would I do it again? Now, no. Then, yes.”
10. “15 years ago, I robbed a bank. It wasn’t worth it, and no, I would never do it again. I spent three years in prison. I walked out of the bank with about $6,700, and my friend ratted me out. He thought he was gonna get the $10k reward money, and yeah, he never got that. When I got out, I promised myself I would never feel that broke and desperate again.”
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11. “I ran a textbook pirating ring at my university back in the mid-2000s.”
12. “I aided and abetted undocumented immigrants and assisted them in their journey deeper into the US. I did this as activism and did not receive money. The statute of limitations is out, so I can talk about it now, but I normally don’t. I would not do it now. I’m older and have a lot more to lose.”
13. “Some light shoplifting during a rebellious phase, but I had strict rules. 1) Nothing over $3. 2) Never ever from small businesses, only big stores that factor theft into their budget. And 3) If I ever got caught, I would stop forever. Never got caught, but I did outgrow the impulse.”
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“At the self-checkout, I put in the Price Look-Up code for bananas, but I was actually buying a block of fancy cheese. And yes, I would do it again.”
14. “I drove on a suspended license. It’s the only thing I’ve ever gone to jail for. And, no, it will not happen again. That shit got expensive real quick. I am just now to the point where I have enough money to buy my way out of all the trouble I got in as a result of it. In the last two days, I’ve paid close to $4,000 in fines. I still have one more court district to deal with before I can get my license back.”
15. “Breaking and entering into my old high school in the middle of the night to steal wine from the art teachers’ offices, LMAO. I wouldn’t do it again, but only because I feel like I’m too old to be doing that shit now. But still, it was a lot of fuckin’ fun.”
—u/selkieluver
16. “I worked at a pizza place, and I knew I was quitting about three months before I put in my notice. We only had one camera in the front of the store, and only two to three people on shift at a time, so I thought I’d test my luck. At least three times a week, I’d take something home, whether it be a stack of like 650 paper plates, a giant roll of garbage bags, utensils, etc. Now, six months later, I have a ton of plates, garbage bags, and whatnot remaining. They never found out.”
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17. “I was super fucked up and tried to break into a lighthouse on one of the Great Lakes. I climbed around on the roof and eventually found a boarded-up window. I easily kicked in the window and climbed into the building. I walked into a big old room with boat motors everywhere, and the security alarm started screaming. I jumped out the window headfirst and ran all the way home, hiding from cars and going through backyards. I checked the police radio when I got home, and there was a reported burglary they were responding to. My dumbass forgot people live in fucking lighthouses! I didn’t just break into an abandoned structure; it was someone’s fucking house!”
—u/choocjoo
18. “Stole a book from the library once. Got caught by my mom. To be fair, I was like 4 or 5 years old. I don’t know why I did it, but I remember getting caught.”
—u/Five_Slow
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19. “In the late 1990s, I was growing marijuana. I got caught and charged with felony charges in California. I was taken to jail, processed, and released all in about six hours. I never paid the fines. When it became legal in California (2016), I received letters stating that all charges and fines had been dismissed and removed from my records. And yes, I’ve been growing again since 2019.”
Pigprox / Getty Images
—u/ohnodopey
20. “I worked as an independent contractor for this place that extracted data. Most boring job in the world. You’d log on, open a spreadsheet, and get to work. They just had you fill out a form saying how much you worked, and they’d pay you the next week accordingly. You could work a maximum of 40 hours. I figured out that nobody ever checked a goddamn thing at that company. I didn’t do shit, but I got paid for 40 hours a week for about six months. Every once in a while, they would send a clearly generic email saying, ‘We see you working hard and appreciate your efforts! Thanks for the great work you do! Keep it up!’ I never talked to a single person at that job.”
—u/TheSpiralTap
21. “I made fake IDs when I was young. One day, I came home and there was a detective’s business card on my door. I was like, ‘Shit. This is it. Let’s get it over with.’ I gave him a call and he goes, ‘Wow, thanks for calling! People never call. I realized after I left, I was looking for the tenant who lived there before you. Have a great day.’ That was my sign, and I never did it again.”
22. And finally, “I stole a fuck-ton of Bakugan when I was young. I think my pal and I singlehandedly put that Kmart out of business.”
Peter Cade / Getty Images
Any illegal things you’d like to fess up to? Tell me in the comments, or if you’d prefer, you can (understandably, LOL) use the anonymous form below! Your response could be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed article! I promise I’m not a cop!
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
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