People Who Were Born Into Cults Shared The “Red Flag” Moments They Decided To Leave, And Wow

Recently, I came across this Reddit thread, “Redditors who were raised in cults, when was the first time you realized something was wrong?” and I was suuuuuper intrigued.

And folks, the thread did not disappoint. Here are the most interesting stories:

Some submissions deal with topics like sexual assault.

1. “When I realized that the doors to the 13-story former hotel building we were all living in were locked, and you had to sign out to leave. No one (from children to adults) could leave without an explanation of where they were going and when they’d be back.”

“My family was highly involved for years, but the year we lived at their training center was actually horrifying. Strictly controlled what was allowed in/out, surveillance for everything. The sad part is that most of the families that lived there were essentially slave labor that worked for the ministry and were given free room and board. Many of them had nowhere else to go and were trapped even if they wanted to leave.”

—g1ngerguitarist

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2. “I was raised in a very strict manner by religious parents in an extremely legalistic Southern Baptist church. I was extremely sheltered, allowed only one movie (maybe) and one hour of TV a week, ONLY Christian movies, books, TV shows, radio, etc. I never interacted with kids outside of the church bubble, as my parents started a Christian school so that I wouldn’t have to go to the ‘evil public school and be brainwashed.’ For me, it was when my pastor and my youth pastor took me aside during a church camp and said they were worried about my salvation, as I hadn’t led anyone in the sinners’ prayer and didn’t go on ‘visitation,’ which was door-knocking on Sunday afternoons to talk about Jesus. Instead, I played harp as part of the instrumental group every Sunday and Wednesday and sang in the choir when I wasn’t playing, which I practiced during the same time as visitation.”

“They basically told me that since I showed most of the other fruits of the spirit like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, etc., they thought I was a Christian. But since I ‘openly boycotted’ visitation, I couldn’t possibly be a full Christian, and they wanted me to work on that. I was 15! I never interacted with non-Christians and was part of the instrumental group and choir, which practiced during visitation! How could I do that if everyone I knew was already Christian?? 🤔 It led to some serious questions, but I couldn’t really do anything until I escaped to college three years later.”

—moldylemming

3. “When it came time for me to leave for my own mental health, I became the villain. And then, when confiding in my college tutor, she was horrified to learn even a fraction of what I had grown up with. She was the main encouragement I needed to gtfo when I did.”

—Broken-Sushi

4. “My first hint that something was wrong was the amount of control exerted in our day-to-day lives. No beards, no long hair for men, no tattoos or piercings, no shirts with ‘edgy’ artwork like band shirts or shirts with skulls, no entertainment they don’t approve of, etc. Other members are trained to report you to the elders if you’re not following their guidelines, such as if you have a position of respect in the congregation, but someone sees that you have a rated-R movie, they’ll report you to the elders, and you could lose your position and good standing, which will change the way the congregation treats you.”

“What really tipped it over the edge for me, though, was their doctrine that all non-members deserve to die at Armageddon by God’s hand, simply for not being members. Armageddon is supposed to be urgently imminent, and over 99.9% of the world will die just because they’re not members. That didn’t sit right with me. I had been working in retail for some time, and the people I worked with were every bit as intelligent, compassionate, and loving as any person I knew.

Eventually, these issues became too great for me to bear, and I committed the ultimate sin, researching information that criticizes the religion. We were taught to be terrified of anything that remotely criticizes the religion and its leaders. I finally pushed against that fear and did the research. Woke up instantly. Realized why they taught us to fear ‘apostate’ information so much, it’s because they know it’s all true and they don’t want us to see it.”

—excusetheblood

5. “When in the prayer line, I was afraid the preachers could read my mind. The church was very big in the Gifts of the Spirit. Speaking in tongues and interpretation were everyday events. But what scared me was the thought of their interpretation saying I had an evil demon or accusing me of something (it happened to others). As a result, I put any bad thing that I thought I did in the back of my mind and partitioned it off in hopes of hiding my thoughts. It’s not until thirty years later, when I’m starting therapy and talking about this, that I’m really starting to grasp the true impact of it all.”

—movealong123

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6. “When the ‘Elders’ told me that I could no longer speak to my younger sister anymore because she was in ‘bad standing’ with the organization. She’s the only family I have left. They made her out to be this monster just because she wasn’t actively going to church. That’s when the glass shattered for me.”

—BananasAnd69

7. “After watching The Day After in the ’80s, I asked my mom if we knew the nukes were coming, who she would rather spend her last moments with, me or the cult leader. She chose him. I came up with my own survival plan after that. I was going to skateboard to safety.”

—19bonkbonk73

8. “When my parents told me they’d let me die rather than allow me to get certain medical procedures.”

—Schnauzerbutt

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9. “I was 12 years old and my classmate from school died in a car accident. We were as close as friends as I was allowed to be with someone who wasn’t in the cult. I asked my mom if I would see my friend in paradise (the afterlife), and she said no because her parents weren’t part of the church. Then and now, I couldn’t believe that an innocent 12-year-old wouldn’t get a shot at everlasting life because of her parents. It was definitely the biggest crack in my ideology that only grew as I got into my teen years.”

—[deleted]

10. “When my brother started asking politely how our religion was founded and how our family got involved, and generally just questions about life (they don’t believe in evolution or kissing before marriage), they would bite his head off. At the time, he was only 11. It made me realize they were being defensive because they had no answers. If you can’t explain why you’re in a religion, you get the heck out.”

—PurelyAmy

11. “When my other friends came to my church for the first time. Most of my friendships were isolated to church members until middle school. I started going with my other Christian friends to their churches, which were all similar to each other. When they came to mine, they were uncomfortable, and they all started telling me my church was weird.”

“When I was around 13 years old, a friend’s mother asked me a few questions about my church, and I had recently gotten the internet, so I started asking questions at my church. The questions were not welcome.”

—kruxader

12. “I got punished for my own sexual assault. I was victim-blamed. The abuser was twice my age (I was mid-teens at the time). I was forced to repent. For what, I am not sure, as they wouldn’t answer that question. As I got older and looked back, I realized that everything they’d told me was a lie. If you do everything you’re supposed to, you’re supposed to be blessed. If you break the rules, you have challenges/obstacles/lessons and must repent.”

“But if Jesus dies for my sins, why do I have to repent? And what am I repenting for? I didn’t consent to any of that. Nor could I from a legal standpoint.

The only obvious answer was that it was all bullshit. Then years later, a widely publicized case with similar circumstances became international news. And the victim’s clergy person stood up on CNN and said she was forgiven. Forgiven. For being raped.

I had noped out years before, but when I saw that particular press conference, I had to get therapy to deal with all that rage.”

—Dogzillas_Mom

13. “When my youth group leader said that telling poor people about Jesus was more important than feeding them or housing them.”

—republican-jesus

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14. “I was raised with the belief that if I followed all the rules and was a good person, I’d feel a confirmation of everything. 7-year-old me was well aware that I had yet to feel it, and that was one of the many things that led to becoming depressed at the age of 12. I kept having questions that I had no answer for other than ‘God works in mysterious ways.’ Eventually, I found a YouTube channel where the person talked about how they left the religion, and I realized my whole life was a lie and that I no longer had to try and believe in something that never worked for me.”

—Just-an-Immortal

15. And finally, “When we were told that we couldn’t go to college. I was about 15 when I realized that we weren’t allowed to. The elders said it was because the end of time was coming. It is because they want to keep us stupid. That was the year I left.”

—Simple-Relief

Responses have been edited for length/clarity.

Did you grow up in a cult? What were your “red flag” moments? Let us know in the comments, or, if you prefer to remain anonymous, leave a submission in the form below.

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